Having Communication Agreements In A Partnership, Business Or During Dating Experiences

Have you heard about communication agreements or maybe even do you have them already in your relationship or in your family? 

Or do you know what it is important to you so that you can address it early in your dating experience?

Or in business? With your colleagues or when you’re leading people?

Communication is a huge thing.
I found that no matter who you ask, almost everyone agrees to that. 

However, once you look closer, most people are not really able to communicate.

We would do our whole world a favor by teaching - especially Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg - early on in school and making it one of the most important lessons and skills for life.

“It's never what we say, but how we say it.”

Establishing communication structure and agreements

In business and love relationships, it's very helpful to have an agreement about how we want to communicate, especially when there is an issue.
And also, we need to make sure that we create space, sit down and talk about things on a regular basis.

When you are dating, you can also get clear about your perspective and need for having (challenging) conversations and address that early on toward a potential partner to see if you are on the same page.

These are my needs and desires.. Are you able and willing to fulfill them?

Simple rules can be not going to sleep or not leaving the office in case of being still angry with each other. 

In case of a heated situation … everyone takes 30 minutes for themselves first, before coming back together and talk.

Listening fully and not interrupting. 

Putting a timer so everyone can speak at a certain time.

Respecting and appreciating different perspectives ….

Also important to get clear about the best way to add constructive criticism. What does a safe environment look like to express constructive feedback?

What are our roles? 

What's important when addressing an issue? 

What’s important when listening?

Communication dates

I am a big fan of having consistent relationship check-ups. And that counts for all sorts of relationships. Once a week, biweekly or whatever feels good to you.

It means you agree to have dates where you create space for talking about likes, dislikes, aspects that border you, triggers you have, needs and emotions you want to share and requests you would like to make. What are you happy and not so happy about?

Doing so will bring a lot of ease into every kind of relationship. The opportunity to hear and to be heard on a regular basis relaxes us (subconsciously) tremendously. 

When it comes to certain rules and specific agreements, there is really no right or wrong. It is completely individual. 

It's only important that all parties speak about it and agree upfront and to write the rules down.

Maybe even include a third neutral party, like a coach. 

And those needs can change. 

Often we are not even aware of them and we only can communicate them clearly in time.

For instance, when I feel very triggered, I need space and I need to distance myself energetically. I need to be alone, I prefer to move my body, then sit down and process my emotions, mostly I do cry.

Even better, when there is no time pressure or expectation about when I need to be balanced again.

This is me, this is what helps me to get perspective and stay open and warm after I had my space.

I can let my partner know “I feel triggered, I need space and I will come to you, when I am back in alignment.”

Now, it can get very tricky, once your opposite feels abandoned and triggered by how you take care of yourself. So it can be hard for him / her to accept your needs in an agreement…

Still, this is not a good place to compromise. You need to fill your own cup first and feel balanced before you can be open again. And it is great if you can communicate what you need.
Again, all this needs to be discussed in a calm and neutral environment, so that you are prepared when a challenging situation arises. 

What I want to emphasise is that it is a process. You start in some place and develop the structure and the rules continuously.

The whole system is evolving and once you feel less triggered in time, you need less to balance out.

Personally, I love to over communicate.
Saying that, I don’t mean to talk something down or non stop talking.

I simply know from experience that communication is the key for having compassion, getting an idea about the world of the opposite, to a person's heart, key for intimacy (which means ‘into me see’) and for our own personal growth.

In our everyday life, we often don’t invest time for the precious gift of talking and going deep with someone.

I love supporting you when you wish to speak about how to communicate in a feminine way, in a ways where you can be heard or simply getting clear about your responsibility and share when communicating.

Book a free call!

Love, Stephanie